1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
There is a lot of really good detail in this story. It is a very personal and intriguing story that pulls the reader in. Not a lot more detail is needed.
2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
The author could use other sources like information from friends on the topic or from other family members. Yes, the lead does involve the reader in the story. As I mentioned before, it pulls you in right away, especially for our age group, and keeps you reading.
3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
Yes, there is definitely a well defined scene. It begins with outlining the author's childhood and family gatherings and continues on with painting a pictutre in the reader's mind of the author's experiences.
4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
I would like to hear more about what the author plans to do before going off to college and what they are feeling as they continue to get closer to that day.
Peer Editing Feedback: Julia P.
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
There is a lot of detail in this story, not a lot more is needed.
2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
The author has great sources so I'm not sure what other sources they could add. The lead does involve the reader as it pulls you in right away as this is a common topic for people our age.
3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
The first 450 words do pose a common theme and a well defined scene of the beginning of college life.
4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
I would like to hear more about what the author plans to do before going off to college and what they are feeling as they continue to get closer to that day. A very well-done feature story so far.
No comments:
Post a Comment